I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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