can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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