Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
