dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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