I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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