You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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