Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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