I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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