dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
