I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
