Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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