What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
