yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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