yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
