i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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