Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
