4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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