I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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