brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
