I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
