____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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