I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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