just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
