you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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