I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
