I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
