i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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