are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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