can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
