Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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