in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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