Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
