Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
