i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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