Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
