As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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