just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
