Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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