At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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