Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
