hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nutella sex= disaster
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
