Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
