I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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