will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
