Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
