I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
