I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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