I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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