my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They took my balls.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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