someone threw a dead crab at me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
