party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
