He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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