i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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