You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
